amoureaux -

I grew up pretty much a girl amongst the dudes. I couldn’t make myself care about the same shit other chicks cared about. I didn’t wanna talk about sex, I didn’t wanna talk about love, and I didn’t see the need for the typical girly best friend relationship.

Didn’t change until I was fifteen and I met this one chick at a party. October 2004. We were all in the living room passing blunts around and Knuck If You Buck came on. If you know me, you already know my initial reaction. I started spitting the shit! But that was cut short when I realized I wasn’t the only girl, for once, reacting to a crazy crunk song like a dude would. It piqued my interest and for the first time, I felt a connection, like I just met somebody I could really be down with, that was of the same sex as I. And sho nuff, from that night on, we were inseperable. She got so close to me, she was my sister in my eyes.

But now fast forward to 2007 and the bitch wants to fuck my first love, that I just started seeing again. I don’t know why I didn’t see it coming. She had fucked every dude I ever been with. Perhaps it was the fact that the other guys, I didn’t really care about, and I went with the old notion, ‘bros before hoes.’ Whatever the reason, the bitch crossed the line. I was never open to anybody enough for them to cut me deep… or I thought I wasn’t til she told me he was coming over to chill with her the next day. Commense the breakdown. Betrayal of epic proportions.

It’s 2009 and I still think about it. Probably cause I find myself without a best friend and I ain’t got nobody to go kick it with on slow days. Maybe cause I’m still bitter. Regardless, I just felt the need to go over my thoughts from a conversation I had last night and express myself.

I’m not sure there’s a crumb of trust left in me. I wanna meet new people and make new friends but I can’t bring myself to fuckin’ do it.

Bitches, man.